Love, Luck, And Narcissism When Popular Culture
Gets It Wrong

“Barbara Jones

The second edition of this book imparts the same wisdom as the first—from a clinical psychologist who has “been there and done that” for more than fifty years. This gift to a troubled world could not be delivered more succinctly, as in: “You can’t make anybody do anything.” Dr. Piorkowski’s deceptively brief and easy-to-read book packs a punch we need to navigate today’s U.S. society increasingly filled with social media platitudes and narcissism.

One of my favorite chapters explains why “Suzy Sunshine” doesn’t help anyone with vacuous positive thinking. Such an attitude can actually prevent depressed people from getting the professional help they need. Piorkowski also points out the role of “luck” in one’s life. It is all well and good to “pull yourself up by the bootstraps,” but some have more tools than others.

The chapter on vulnerability is very compelling. Because U.S. culture often masks vulnerability with false bravado and machismo, I found her background on passive-aggressive behavior and other “adjustments” valuable for understanding everyone from fellow workers to political leaders.

I was pleased with the discussion of “empathy.” We can read about it but we can’t understand empathy until we get to know people whose life journeys differ dramatically from ours. I was also pleased to see “empathy” attached to “healthy religion.” Clients have made it clear that religious expressions such as prayer and good works have helped them heal. Piorkowski digs even more deeply to identify those factors that can make some religious activity unhelpful or even harmful.

Piorkowski’s 8 chapters are not only memorable, but also helpful for remembering that they apply to most of us—that we share a common humanity with those who differ from us in such areas as ethnicity and economic status. Piorkowski does not pull any punches, and she definitely does not romanticize our journey, but I still finished the book more hopeful than when I began.

“Valarie

Geraldine discusses topics that we most often overlook. We get to see that positive thinking is not always a solution we should jump to, as at times it may be more destructive than we think. We also learn that we cannot make anyone do anything. The decision to do anything is ultimately up to them. The analysis does not end here. The author goes on to further discuss punishment, the role of luck in our lives, and even religion. This is a book to consider if you enjoy topics that spark insightful discussions and explore controversial issues."

“Kimster

This is a second, updated editon to Dr. Piorkowski's first book, "Beyond Pipe Dreams and Platitudes." I recommend this book highly to anyone searching for insights about themselves, others, finding meaning, and dealing with vulnerabilities. This book gets to the point quickly about many issues that complicate human relationships from the "insider view" of a well respected Chicago psychologist/therapist, Dr. Geraldine Piorkowski, who has helped many over the years. It is refreshing, direct, and honest about the human condiiton. This book speaks well to the general public with its pithy chapters easily "digestible" for digitally distracted 21st century moderns. And the topics are both universal and timely. For example, how should a parent balance praising with NOT praising a child to help develop better self esteem? Where does anger come from? How do we deal with what is not under our control? The book has one of the best explanations for empathy that I have ever read--beautifully, simply defined. It may also stimulate ideas in those who are already in psychotherapy or those searching for guidelines on their own. This book's "cut to the chase" realism opens up new creative, hopeful space to connect more meaningfully with ourselves and others."

“Kathleen Gallo

Author’s experience, thoughtfulness and insight shine throughout the eight interesting essays. Since I stopped reading the book, I have been reflecting on it.

The book clarified for me when anger is useful and powerful but also when it is not. I learned from the author that when anger is coupled with feelings of entitlement, narcissists and others who believe they’re always right have a hard time listening to others. But I also learned that narcissism can have a healthy side, i.e., when we enjoy our successes and rejoice in our talents without demeaning others.

Other of the author’s insights that affected me were:

(a) Luck or chance influences us way more than we know. We cannot choose our parents and early environment while accidents, illness or one mistake can change a life’s trajectory overnight.

(b) Positive thinking is sometimes a mistake, especially when it interferes with our judgment and bypasses the normal processing of losses and disappointments.

I loved the first edition, “Beyond Pipe Dreams and Platitudes”, but the second edition “Love, Luck and Narcissism,” is even better. I strongly recommend giving it a read.

“Alice Bernstein, Ph.D.

This book is a wise, easy to understand, and wide-ranging analysis of present day life in the U.S.A. from the psychological point of view. "Love, Luck, and Narcissism: When Popular Culture Gets It Wrong" will expand readers' understanding of themselves and others, with many engaging examples from Dr. Piorkowski's personal and professional experience. Particularly notable are the chapters on "Intimacy", which unravels the reasons why love is so difficult and easily damaged, and on "Vulnerability" and "Empathy", exploring important aspects of friendship and love. Unlike authors who exaggerate the importance of self-creation, Dr. Piorkowski illuminates the role of luck in life and how misinterpretation of its impact can lead to either false pride or undeserved self-depreciation. Her final chapter points out the universal values of religion which counterbalance the narcissism, materialism and violence that too often are part of modern life. This is the slightly revised Second Addition of this book, which was previously published as "Beyond Pipe Dreams and Platitudes".